October 2011
1 post
im nothing without you
July 2011
6 posts
I AM SORRY.
Nights like these make me want to go back to how nights used to be. The familiar feeling of laying on the floor crying as I slice the blades across my skin. No, that did not hurt…. that is not what hurt. Everything inside me hurt and after that it is like all of that pressure its gone. I would love to do it again I would love to feel the rush of it again. But I cant I promised you I...
I honestly dislike it so much when you tell me about how much your family basically calls me a slut. It hurts and makes me feel like shit. I’m pretty sure you may or may not have found this blog. I dont plan on changing the URL. Oh well. I love you. I’m afraid of you leaving, me, school etc. I wish I could just be done with school so I could be with you more. I hate worrying I...
If I fucked up long ago, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it counted. I didn’t realize it counted. I didn’t realize it counted.
I just really do not know what I am doing with my life, its scary. I don’t want you to leave babe. I don’t want to even go to high school.. Its awful. I don’t really like most people there honestly and Id rather be doing other things. Just I dont know I just I hate these feelings. I’m wasting everything. I know I have a lot of potential that I’m wasting. Ugh....
Just come here.
June 2011
1 post
Was y0 gurl.
May 2011
3 posts
My parents are ridiculous.
Im such an awful person.
I just want you to care as much as you used to. ...
April 2011
2 posts
So Lucky.
i love waking up to you, i love when we spend the night at my sisters its always so lovely im not going to go into a huge rant but it was very very nice <3 and today was nice to, we went on a picnic in big spring park and ate zaxbys(:
1 tag
Im back with you super happy, ready for you to forgive me. Or well trust me again. The other night was lovely <3 I love spending the night at my sisters apartment I think there will be tons of times to come as well though. I want to be with you a very long time, Im not going to screw up again. If we want to we can be together as long as we want, this choice is ours. I want to travel with...
March 2011
7 posts
Ex.ha.us.ted.
and it hurts so bad. i dont know what to do. i just want to be cared for…. and i dont want to be hated..
why am i feeling like this go away go away go away.
erase you from my memory.
I need to change a lot about myself. I hate the way I think, it scares me so much. I think of horrible things day in and day out i can see anything and as soon as I do I imagine a way of it dying or a horrible scenario that could happen to them. Which is also a main cause of all of my anxiety with my dad. I have dreams of me killing my family or my family killing me very often. Sounds weird,...
I hate my thoughts.
I dont know why but you all disgust me now. and im a really big bitch to you and i love you and i wish i would stop fucking up.
February 2011
6 posts
lol i could really care lesss at the moment i dont know like i feel committed to you and stuff because i can see us having a future together and stuff i guess but all we do atm is argue constantly and im just like cool and right now i just dont care. everyone gets so upset over everything and jealousy consumes everyones life but hey im guilty of it as well. So many grammatical errors in this but...
fuck ittt. :(
why did you text me tonight i mean i wasnt nice to you and i hardly replied then you left because i told you i blocked you from my mind and thoughts so you said youd stay blocked and apoglized. You always make me think that you actually cared but you never really did, did you. I cant even express to you how much you fucked up my life. Im glad you are out of it I have a lovely boyfriend now. He...
i dont know why all i can think about is you leaving me, nothing feels stable but it is. i want security.
1 tag
i just want to not be sick and i want to be happy again. I dont like how jealous i have become you are amazing and beautiful and everyone likes you and i feel like they could be way better for you than I. im back to the stage where one person is all i have. You could break me so easiy and i dont want to be broken im so afraid of being hurt. I dont want you to leave. I want you to tell me how...
please dont change.
January 2011
4 posts
i saw you this morning going up the stairs at school, first time in months. it sickened me i looked at you, and i thought about how i was with you and i dont understand why. I dont like you and I dont like the thought of me being with you.
i wish i would have never done anything with you.
you are so beautiful baby inside and out. I honestly cant get over it and i do not want too. You are a wonderful person you are nice and funny and you are exactly my type. You dont go off and do stupid things to impress me and you play lame video games. You are clever and smart. You are incredibly good looking. You are the sweetest. I love you so much. I could go onto a huge rant, but i am...
Today I am snowed in the house, more like yesterday since it is 2AM. Wish i could have saw drew today but what can ya do. I have never felt so cared for in my life. I have never been so respected. I am foolish for ever thinking anything i ever had with anyone was healthy. I have learned though, i have learned from the past and right now i am happy. Its a great feeling to be happy. Happiness...
December 2010
1 post
i lied, i can love him. and hes amazing. and i realize that everything over the summer was just my mind letting me think things that weren’t actually the way it was. I just had a feeling of happiness that was weird, and real but not at the same time.
October 2010
2 posts
everything below im not sure if its the truth or...
i never know with myself anymore.
wow.
so i have been dating that guy i wasn’t sure about like i really like him and im going to stay with him and i bet we will be together for years atleast, i know that sounds idiotic and naive but i think it will be like that. but when i think about it is it REALLY what i want i mean it is. but then i keep thinking, i honestly do not think i can ever love him. not like i loved you, and you we...
August 2010
1 post
take the hint
i dont want to be with you, i feel uncomfortable riding with you now i guess im using you i use people far too often, without knowing
so you messaged me first time in a week or so the other night, you told me you could see us working one day in the future again. you also told me you moved back to your old city your old school, yesterday you were home getting the rest of your things, you spammed my phone 7am -9:15am i woke up at 9:20 i then you sent you like 3 messages, you said you were pulling out… you told me you were...
July 2010
2 posts
JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
June 2010
9 posts
tonight, i was outside for an hour and a half. i went inside around 10:30 you said you were about to pass my road, you asked if you could stop by. so i went outside, and you sat in your jeep and i sat on the drive way we talked for a while.. then you got out and sat with me, we stared at the few bright stars that there were. we layed on our backs and gazed, we found matching rocks. i have your...
FUCKK. so i think im close to having you back. then it gets torn the fuck away.
really i hate myself. i need to leave you alone, i see all the attractive girls you talk to. i cant compare. im not what you want. ive fucked up so many chances. im getting my hair cut tommorow kk. anyways, i cant fucking eat without getting sick. you mean the damn world to me boy. i face my fears of the dark and lay...
you went to the hospital tonigiht, you told me how much you needed me and i didnt see it until an hour later. then you didnt respond then i found out where you were. we had a really long conversation about shit, and i dont know you seem so sincere. but you say youre done because i care too much for my friends and that you arent enough. or some shit. you are enough. im sorry that im involved with...
tired of your shit and you are not even doing anything, you are saying anything i guess the silence in your words drives me insane, i do not understand. damn. it doesn’t hurt, im not hurt no. im just exhausted, exhausted in trying to keep you around, im afraid that im wasting my time, im breaking off plans with people just to please you, even when we aren’t together i don’t know...
you
can break me down so fucking easily, im not sure how much more i can take.
i hate getting attached.
i get attached to everyone, and then they leave or i dont want to fight for them anymore. you, i kind of want to leave i dont really know, but when i think about leaving i think about seeing you with other people and it would KILL ME crush me and everything else, and i couldnt imagine not seeing you. but if im starting to not care anymore, then im pretty sure you dont give a fuck about me. you...
istill.
fuckingloveyou.im sure you are still what i want, it would fucking kill me for you to leave my life. but i guess i would like the freedom to hang out with more people than what i can while being with you , if that is what this even is. maybe we will hang out today hopefully but if we do you will probably just want to have sex. oh well, maybe we can go to the movies and see toy story 3 or...
i spent an hour catching fireflies for you, i caught one and let it free in my kitchen on accident, so i took a jar and taped homemade ones to it. so i went over there tonight, and im not sure how i am feeling about this at all, i mean it would fucking kill me if you left, trust me it would but i wish we could be like a real relationship you may have another girl in your life right now i have no...
3 tags
i just feel like giving the fuck up, i try so fucking hard to keep you in my life and hey its worked for the past while has it not. but if you dont want this then why make you suffer. this is pointless shit that happens far to often. but i love you so fucking much that it hurts and i start shaking waiting for a reply i am too afraid to ask you about it so i dont. are we even still together are we...